This article will consider how parents can put children first during the festive season whilst navigating Christmas child arrangements.
Why Christmas Can Be Challenging for Separated Families
Disputes or tension between separated parents regarding Christmas contact arrangements are common.
Emotions can run particularly high around Christmas contact arrangements, given the importance that it is placed upon being with family at Christmas and making Christmas a magical and special time for children.
Focusing on the child’s best interests can help to reduce conflict as it will usually be in the child’s best interests for them to spend time with both parents over the Christmas period. It then becomes about how exactly to split Christmas so that the child can experience Christmas traditions and family time with each parent.
Understanding Christmas Child Arrangements in Law
If there is no Child Arrangements Order in place, then the time the child spends with each parent over the Christmas period will need to be agreed between the parents.
As mentioned in a previous article on how to split Christmas between separated parents, there are no limits on certain arrangements that can or should be put into place for Christmas. Nor is there any specific arrangement that you can point to, which would automatically be endorsed by a Court in the event of a dispute.
If there is a Child Arrangements Order in place, then this should be reviewed and the arrangements set out in the order should be followed (unless agreed otherwise between the parents).
Planning Ahead: Creating a Parenting Schedule That Works
It is advisable to start thinking about and planning Christmas contact and travel logistics at an early stage as there is likely to be some back and forth in trying to agree these arrangements (if there is not a court order in place).
Disputes tend to arise over what will happen on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day so it is advisable to try to work towards agreeing arrangements for these days including handover times and locations.
It may also be sensible to discuss Christmas gifts if there is likely to be an issue over what each parent can afford to spend and how it will be perceived by the child. Depending on the age of the child, separated parents may also want to help the child to purchase a Christmas present from the child to the other parent.
If an agreement can be reached regarding child arrangements over the Christmas period, it would be sensible to record this in writing to avoid any misunderstandings over what has been agreed.
Communication and Compromise: Keeping the Focus on the Child
As set out above, tension around Christmas arrangements is common and understandable. It is advisable to focus on the child and to avoid using inflammatory language or reacting to inflammatory language in communication.
Communication around Christmas contact arrangements has the potential to escalate and it may be helpful to take some time to step away and formulate a response focusing on the child before sending a response to any communication received.
If separated parents cannot agree on arrangements for Christmas, they could consider engaging in mediation to see whether an agreement can be reached with the assistance of a neutral third party.
Managing the Emotional Side of Shared Parenting at Christmas
Separated parents will no doubt want to support children emotionally when they split time between two homes. If one parent has moved out of the family home, it may be helpful to send the child with some things that are familiar to the child (such as toys) to help ease the transition between homes.
If there are signs that the child is struggling with the arrangement, it would be sensible to raise these with the other parent to see whether parents can work together to address any concerns. Raising concerns with the other parent in the first instance can be helpful in promoting positive coparenting going forward.
When Agreements Break Down: Legal Remedies and Next Steps
If a parent breaches a Child Arrangements Order (for example, by not making the child available for contact as set out in the order), an application could be made back to Court to enforce the order. It is advisable to take legal advice before taking such action in case there is a way of resolving the matter outside of the Court arena.
If a parent does not feel that the arrangements set out in the order are working for the child anymore, it may be that they want to apply to Court to vary the order (as opposed to enforcing the arrangements set out in the order).
There are a number of alternative dispute resolution options that can be explored before making an application to Court including (but certainly not limited to) mediation and negotiations through solicitors.
It is important to note here that any arrangement for children not contained within a Child Arrangements Order (for example, arrangements agreed between parents outside of Court) are not legally binding and as such cannot be enforced.
Supporting Children in Blended and Extended Families
Christmas is often a time for extended families to come together. Parents can exercise their parental responsibility to determine who children should come into contact with when in their care.
There are no particular provisions or regulations which govern when new partners can be introduced to children. However, it would be sensible to approach this sensitively to avoid confusing the children and to try and avoid tension with the other parent.
It may be helpful for separated parents to have an agreement regarding the length of a relationship before a new partner is introduced to the children. This is discussed more in our article Are there rules on introducing new partners to children?
Parents can model positive co-parenting during family gatherings by not speaking negatively about the other parent to family members in the presence of the children or to the children.
Putting Children First: The Spirit of Christmas in Co-Parenting
Practical steps to keep the season about the child could include starting to make arrangements for Christmas in advance keeping the child as the focus.
Consideration could be given as to whether Christmas Day could be shared so that the child can see both parents on Christmas Day. Splitting Christmas Day may not always be practical so alternatives could include alternating Christmas Day each year. Indirect contact such as a video call if the child is not seeing the other parent on Christmas Day could also be considered.
Ultimately, kindness and flexibility can make Christmas more enjoyable for everyone.
When parents prioritise cooperation over conflict, it can show the child that it is okay for them to have a relationship with the other parent and that they can be open with both parents.
If this is something that might affect you and you would like to know more then get in touch with our Family Law team.