Co-parenting apps for separated parents are often used when other forms of communication have broken down or when parents want to keep all communication regarding their children in one place (as opposed to using a mixture of call, emails, messages etc.). Co-parenting apps have a messaging function as well as a calendar for inputting the arrangements for the children.
What is a Parenting App?
A parenting app is an app that both parents can download and use to communicate issues for their children on.
Most co-parenting apps offer the following basic features:
- A messaging service to enable the parents to message each other (usually time-stamped and unable to be changed).
- A calendar that can be shared to input the days when the children will be with both parents throughout the year both during term time and holidays.
- An expense tracking function to share mutual expenses related to the children.
- A storage function where parents can keep important documents such as medical records.
- A way of sharing photographs of the children.
I find that parenting apps enable parents to keep all of the information which needs to pass between them for the children in one place making it easily accessible and less intrusive on their lives. Parenting apps prevent the need for parents to communicate on social media or email and make the arrangements for the children easier to manage. I recommend them to the majority of my clients.
When Can Co-Parenting Apps be Helpful in Separated Family Arrangements?
Co-parenting apps can help improve communication between separated parents when there has been a breakdown in communication. Using an app specifically to communicate regarding children can help put the focus back on the children as opposed to any other issues between the parents. An agreement to start using a co-parenting app to communicate is also often based on an agreement that all messages on the app will be solely in relation to the children.
Co-parenting apps can be particularly useful in reducing conflict when using another form of communication is causing tension or leading to arguments. This is because using a co-parenting app can help put the focus on messages solely relating to the children.
Using an app may also help to support compliance with agreed or ordered child arrangements. This is because parents can record the arrangements and when the children will be with each of them in the calendar on the app to avoid misunderstandings. Parents can also communicate regarding the arrangements and request changes to accommodate for example the child attending a family event such as a wedding.
Are Co-Parenting Apps Recognised by Courts and Family Law Professionals?
Solicitors, mediators and the Court typically encourage the use of co-parenting apps. Whilst the Family Court cannot order parents to use a co-parenting app to communicate, the Court will often encourage parents to use a co-parenting app. Separated parents will need to have some form of contact regarding their children and a co-parenting app can be a good option (depending on the facts of the case of course).
Parents may seek to refer to information or messages from co-parenting apps in Children Act proceedings. A lot of the time the messages in question will not necessarily add anything to the case and seeking to rely on them in Court proceedings could be unhelpful to rebuilding trust between parents and co-parenting going forward. However, there are also times when messages from co-parenting apps can be used to support a parent’s position.
Parents should therefore be mindful when using a co-parenting app within Court proceedings that there is the possibility that the other parent may seek to put copies of messages before the Court. A common feature of co-parenting apps is that messages cannot be deleted. This should not however be seen as a reason not to use a co-parenting app as a parent could also try to put text messages or emails before the Court and with a co-parenting app there is peace of mind that messages in the chain cannot be deleted or changed.
What are the Limitations and Risks of Using Co-Parenting Apps?
Whilst parenting apps can often be very positive in terms of co-parenting, there are also situations where co-parenting apps may not be appropriate or effective. Direct communication between parents may not be appropriate in situations where there are allegations of domestic abuse (particularly if these relate to other forms of communication being used to harass or control them) or if there are concerns that one of the parents will use this line of communication to try and exert control over the other parent. In these situations, sometimes an agreement can be reached that communication will go through third parties (such as family members on both sides or solicitors) so that the parents are not in direct communication. In some cases, this may then progress to the parents using a co-parenting app or another form of direct communication as trust is rebuilt.
In terms of practical and privacy considerations, parents should be aware that a common feature is that messages cannot be deleted on parenting apps and that the other parent may seek to rely on those messages in the event of a Court dispute. Parents should keep all messages on a parenting app as diplomatic as possible and focused on the children. Parents should also consider things like how their data will be stored when researching parenting apps.
Whilst an app may be able to help improve communication, it will not necessarily resolve deeper disputes or safeguarding concerns. It is advisable to take legal advice early on in the event of a dispute regarding child arrangements or where there are safeguarding concerns.
Which Parenting App Should I Use?
There are free parenting apps. There are also apps which have to be paid for which offer premium services which some of the free apps do not offer.
Some of the available apps include (in no particular order):
- Our Family Wizard. This is an app which needs to be purchased each year with both parents signing up to the purchase. A ‘ToneMeter’ can additionally be purchased which helps parents anticipate how the tone of their message could be received by the other parent and flags statements that may be perceived as emotionally charged, giving them the opportunity to modify the message before sending it.
- AppClose. This is a free app with a messaging facility, calendar, the ability to make audio and video calls and make requests.
- Custody Connection. This is a free app with a calendar, message facility and where information for your child can be stored.
- 2houses. This is an app which needs to be purchased and includes a calendar, expenses, messages and notifications.
- TalkingParents. This is a free app and encourages healthy communication between parents. It is marketed as a ‘co-parenting communication service’.
- Cozi. This app is not solely for separated parents, but helps families keep track of everything in one place.
If you are interested in using a parenting app, I suggest you look at them all and see which one you think will work for both you and the other parent to enable you to co-parent your children together.
I have written other articles which discuss the options available for separated parents to enable them to co-parent:
Co-parenting and shared care – is it possible?