Concept for - The rise of 'Kitchen Table' Agreements - DIY divorce

Resolving the financial issues on divorce can be expensive, stressful, and for most people, something they’d rather not drag through a courtroom. So, it’s no surprise that more couples are trying to keep things as low-key and amicable as possible – sorting things out over a coffee, scribbling down who gets what, and calling it a day. These are what we call ‘kitchen table’ agreements – and yes, they can absolutely feel like the simpler option. But are they legally safe?

The short answer is, no. This article will look at some reasons as to why.

What is a kitchen table agreement?

It’s exactly what it sounds like. Two people, often in the early stages of separation or divorce, sitting down together and deciding who keeps what from the available assets. Working together to explore solutions and settlement options is important for various reasons but it is often also crucial to take advice on what is fair and reasonable and, most importantly, how needs are met from the available assets now and moving forward.

Importantly, and often something that is overlooked with agreements made between spouses, is that that agreement is not legally binding unless the terms have been ratified by the court. Even if both spouses agree on every single detail, it is not full, final, binding and enforceable until it has been approved by a Judge.

That means either of you, save for in a very narrow set of circumstances, could come back in a year… or five… or fifteen and say, “actually, I want more.” And yes – that’s happened. There are real cases where people have made informal deals, then been hit with claims long after they thought everything was resolved either in life or on death.

Why are more people choosing DIY agreements?

There’s a few reasons:

  • No-fault divorce has made the process a lot smoother and more civilised – people are staying out of the blame game.
  • Legal costs can be high, and not everyone can afford solicitors or barristers.
  • Some people genuinely do get on well enough to sort things themselves – which is great.
  • TikTok, YouTube, and AI have made people feel like they can figure it out without legal support.

But what none of these sources shout loud enough is: if your financial agreement isn’t approved by the court, you’re leaving the door wide open for future problems.

What can go wrong?

Let’s look at an illustrative example – spouses agree to split everything 50/50. One spouse moves out and keeps a bit more savings, the other keeps the family home. Then a few years later, one spouse inherits a lot of money, or their business takes off, or they buy a new house. Despite the agreement reached, spouses might still have a financial claim against the other and assets generated post-separation are not necessarily safe from being shared years later.

Even if spouses at the time of the agreement have no interest in claiming more later, life changes – new partners, children, illness, money stress. That can change someone’s outlook and desire to revisit what was once thought settled.

What should be done?

  • Speak with a solicitor to understand what is fair and reasonable in your case based on your family finances and circumstances. The solicitor can also explain the process for formally resolving the financial issue arising out of divorce (for example, the procedure required to have any agreement reached approved by the court, so it is legally binding).
  • Explore settlement structures with your husband / wife from a more informed position after having taken advice. There are various forums to hold discussions if a little more support is needed to keep discussions on track and constructive (for example – Mediation). Equally if the parties are committed to working together to resolve matters they could consider Resolution Together which allows one solicitor to advise both parties.
  • If agreement is reached – instruct a solicitor to draft this into a consent order which can be lodged with the court on paper without having to attend. If approved, it becomes legally binding.

This article is in no way trying to deter spouses from working together – it simply is highlighting the need for proper advice and support.

Final thoughts on Kitchen Table Agreements

The rise of DIY divorce and kitchen table agreements shows that people are getting braver about taking control of their own separation which is positive. However, it is important not to confuse amicable with legally binding. Sorting things properly now will give everyone peace of mind moving forward and ensure there are no nasty surprises down the line.

If you wish to discuss anything raised in this article and help and support for your divorce or separation, please contact our Family team who will be happy to help.