When we experience grief and loss in our lives, we know this can be extremely painful and distressing. Going through a divorce is described as the second most stressful life event (after the death of a partner or child).
While we may automatically expect someone to experience grief around the death of a loved one, grief is also a common response to the loss of someone or something important to them. When someone is experiencing a divorce this separation grief can be the loss of a relationship, the loss of a future they hoped for or the loss of the life they used to have. There is no right or wrong way to feel and it can sometimes be difficult to recognise that this grief or loss may be the reason they are feeling or acting differently.
Symptoms of grief
There can be some common symptoms that people may feel, this may include feeling tired or exhausted, a sense of overwhelming sadness, feeling shocked or numb, feeling angry to the person you’ve lost or the situation, feeling guilty about feeling angry, or guilt that you said or did the wrong thing. These feelings do not need to be present all the time, and they may appear suddenly without any warning. It can take time to make sense of a significant loss and there is no set timeframe and sometimes it can feel like you are moving forward and backward. This can be a period of profound change and can drain us psychologically and emotionally. During this time, it is important to accept that these feelings are valid, to allow them to surface and to have compassion and kindness for yourself.
Taking care of yourself
The first step to self-compassion and self-care is taking the time to stop and listen to your own needs, connecting with your feelings, challenging your ‘inner critic’ to value and recognise what is important to you. To focus on purposeful actions that put your own needs at the forefront. We also know that maintaining and developing social relationships can act as a protective factor following a loss or separation. This can be through strengthening links to family or friends or seeking out new groups, hobbies or interests. Having someone to talk to about how you are feeling can help make sense of your experience, this can be a friend, family member or professional such as a counsellor or therapist. Offering compassion to yourself and recognising that these feelings are a normal response to a significant loss and it is ok to feel however you feel. Sometimes this can be helped by thinking about what you might tell a friend if they were in your situation.
It is important to hold in mind that there is support available and that we can build our emotional strength and resilience. Most importantly, to not bottle-up your feelings and struggle alone.
Resources
For further information, please see wider resources and links from the team at Psychology Associates. The Resources hub at Psychology Associates is a thoughtfully curated collection designed to support mental health and emotional wellbeing across all ages. From practical guides and expert insights to reflective exercises and multimedia tools, this section offers a wealth of information for individuals, families, and professionals.
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