When a parent asks whether a parenting plan could reduce conflict and give their children stability, what early, practical steps do we recommend in the first two weeks to help them agree a child‑centred plan?
Being proactive and taking early steps is almost always a good idea. In the early stages of separation it might be the last thing on your mind when tensions are high, things are raw and you just do not know which way to turn, but taking the time to form a plan often gives an element of control that you need to help see the wood from the trees. There is a wealth of evidence that supports children needing stability and certainty to help them and at a time of inherent flux, little things such as how often they will be seeing each parent; who will be taking them and collecting them from school; how they will communicate with mum or dad when they aren’t with them are just some examples of things that can begin to help answer their many questions. It isn’t always possible to answer everything, and parents need to expect that and to deal with what can feel like an emotional rollercoaster, but beginning to map out short, medium and then potentially longer-term arrangements can start to pave the way towards clearer times ahead.
What is a parenting plan and how can it help our family?
Parenting plans, or to use the CAFCASS (Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service) updated terminology, “Our Child’s Plan”, are intended to set a written record and agreement of the arrangements for your child following separation. They can be as detailed as you need, tailored to your child’s particular needs and ensure your child’s voice is heard, which can be such an important aspect of matters. The plan might cover:
- the day to day arrangements in the immediate and longer term;
- how and when your child spends time with each parent including during holidays
- teveryday communication preferences; and
- who is responsible for the wide variety of practical issues that parenting a child encompasses.
Below is a link to the CAFCASS website giving further details of what a plan can cover:
How an ‘Our Child’s Plan’ (formerly ‘Parenting Plan’) can help | Cafcass
I have also previously written about parenting plans in my article: What is a Parenting Plan?
Parenting plans do have a great deal of value to add, particularly if each parent embraces the concept and approaches the discussion seeking to focus on finding solutions for their child. Many high-conflict situations can have their temperature significantly reduced by a collaborative and constructive approach, and considering what is important to each parent is an excellent way of adding content to a plan and discussing and finding the right way forward. They can be used as tools to avoid having to go through the amily court which should always be considered a last resort.
The family court adopts a No Order principle – it will make an order in relation to the arrangements for a child only if doing so is better than making no order at all. The family court is more and more keen for parents to use alternative dispute methods and trying to agree a parenting plan is a very sensible starting point.
Parenting plans are not intended to be a legally binding document in themselves, rather a way of making an agreement and working collaboratively to cover as many important things as your child might need. They can help to improve communication between parents and could be the tool that finds the positive way forward that you might not see possible so early after separation.
It is important to bear in mind that it really is not a “one size fits all” model. There are sadly lots of occasions and circumstances when parenting plans are not appropriate. There may be allegations of serious abuse, child protection issues and safeguarding matters that mean a parenting plan would not be appropriate.
Parenting plans do allow proper focusing on your child’s needs and can really give your child stability and security, as well as providing the same for the parents. They can almost act as a schedule of what is expected and give parents ownership and responsibility and very importantly clarity when it is needed. There may be issues such as education, religion or medical matters that the plan can discuss and record.
What should we include so day‑to‑day life works smoothly?
It can be difficult sometimes to think about what the most important issues are to you, the other parent and your child and what you therefore might need to think about including in a plan.
A good starting point is to think about main headings such as the arrangements for care – including thinking about term time and school holidays, school handovers, medical needs/emergencies, religious or cultural needs and education (which will change over time). Think about how key information will be shared; do we need to use a co-parenting app or shared calendar, for example (the latter commonly recommended by CAFCASS and the family court). Think about how you will deal with special occasions, holidays and birthdays. Do you need to think about passports and sharing/communicating about requests for holidays in advance.
In the longer term, you may need to think about the introduction of new partners.
It is really positive to think about how you can look to co-parent post separation. Taking things stage by stage is a good start, and what might look impossible during the immediacy of a relationship breakdown can often be worked towards over time. A plan can help parents work better with one another and provide the basis for shared care arrangements.
How do we create, record and update a plan?
The first plan might simply be a work in progress, it might not cover everything and it might be that it grows and develops over the weeks and months following separation.
Similarly, children’s needs themselves develop and change over time so an arrangement that was prepared when your child was four might not work when they are ten.
You could insert review dates and points to ensure that your agreed plan is still doing what you need it to – for example, it might be that events have taken place not initially anticipated, such as a house move, school transition, or new relationship and things can be helpfully reviewed.
If things get tricky to navigate then it is always worthwhile thinking about mediation and moving discussions into an arena with the assistance of a trained family mediator. This does not mean you are automatically thinking about issuing court proceedings or that they will inevitably follow, and the court would always encourage trying to reach an agreement where possible. Arrangements usually tend to stand a better chance of lasting where parties have contributed to an agreement, of course where the circumstances are appropriate and where both are willing participants.
When agreements break down
There are a number of reasons why attempts to prepare a parenting plan might break down, or why a parenting plan may cease to be effective at a time in the future.
You may consider putting an agreement before the court so that it can form part of a court order (and therefore be legally binding), or it may be the case that it has not been possible to agree everything in a parenting plan and the court’s intervention on key issues is needed, as efforts to mediate or navigate agreement have been exhausted and not worked.
The family court will regularly wish to review any records or attempts by the parents to agree matters in the past and therefore parenting plans are increasingly considered by courts. If a Child Arrangements Order were made by the family court then that would be the binding and enforceable arrangement.
Another circumstance which may lead to a breakdown of a parenting plan is financial issues. In some cases, there can be disagreement about child maintenance or claims under Schedule 1 Children Act 1989 that need further consideration or discussion. We have specialists who can advise on these matters to assist you in understanding your options and position. Plans and agreements can include details of this kind but care should be taken not to link financial matters to the arrangements for the children. Taking early advice from a specialist can be a productive and helpful way of setting out on your post separation co-parenting journey.
Parenting plans themselves can still very helpfully reduce conflict, avoid misunderstandings and avoid protracted disputes which in turns saves emotional upset, hostilities and money. They are encouraged by CAFCASS and the Court and give parents the opportunity to find solutions and put your child first within a positive and structured framework.