Family issues like divorce are one of the most stressful life events a person can experience. Finding the courage to take such a monumental decision is a major task and a whole new phase of tough, practical challenges follow.
Not only do you have to think about the practical issues like finances but the ending of a serious relationship often gives rise to great emotional turbulence. This is completely natural. You have loved someone so much that you committed, and dreamed of a permanent future together. When this does not come to pass, it can feel as though your whole world has been turned upside down. Divorce is an ending, and endings inevitably involve elements of grief.
Loss and grief are intrusive and unpredictable, so they put you on a back foot and make you feel vulnerable. It is important to look after yourself at such a time and to give thought to what your emotional needs might be.
No two people will cope with the same situation in the same way.
Counselling is designed to help process painful and confusing emotions during periods of difficult change. It provides a confidential, non-judgemental space in which to address problems and work towards a positive future. You are free to voice whatever is on your mind without guilt or fear of hurting feelings in the outside world. It can be helpful to hear yourself state thoughts when trying to get them in perspective. Counselling is not about imposing solutions or advice from the outside.
So what are the benefits?
“I still have problems, I still get depressed sometimes. I am still neurotic. But when people ask me, ‘Did it work?’ I answer ‘Yes.’ I am much happier than I could possibly have been without it.”
(Taken from ‘Life, Love and the Archers’, a prose anthology by Wendy Cope.)
The therapeutic benefit lies in enabling a person to self-empower. Quite simply, you are the only expert on how to lead your own life. Counselling can help you learn from previous experiences in a variety of ways. One example could be identifying relationship patterns from the past that may or may not be helpful to you in the future. Growing in self-awareness you can better understand how you relate to yourself and others. Helping decide how you want your relationships to be as they move forward. If divorce is an ending, a new beginning will inevitably follow.
Lorna Livingstone works alongside our family team to help clients through difficult times. Lorna trained as a counsellor at Exeter University 15 years ago, and has been in practice ever since. In 2008, she specialised in family work and for the past seven years this has been her area of professional passion.